Crossroads

"There are years that ask questions and years that answer."  

-Zora Neale Hurston

©Mary Engelbreit

Last year for the first time I chose a Word for the Year:  BALANCE

This year my word will be:

CROSSROADS

Those of you who also read my Another Perfect Day blog already knew the life and death crisis my family went through the end of 2018.  Ben, my youngest, is doing wonderfully a year out now from his heart transplant, but he will have lifelong health challenges because the anti-rejection meds he has to take for the rest of his life suppress his immune system.  For Ben, BALANCE has taken on a special meaning--the doctors have to find the right balance of medication to keep his body from rejecting his new heart vs. leaving enough of his immune system intact to fight off disease.  For me BALANCE took on the meaning of keeping an even keel after all that happened the rest of the year.  My Westie, Gabriel, had been dealing with a limp since July of 2018 that the Vet thought was arthritis, but by May of 2019 it was evident that it was due to cancer.  I had to let him go in June.  We also lost a dear friend and father-in-law to my oldest son to pancreatic cancer in April.  I found myself crying out "this is TOO much!"  Just when things seemed to be smoothing out the opportunity to buy the log cabin adjacent to our property presented itself at the end of October.  We would have to sell this house that we've lived in for almost 39 years, but we saw it as a chance to downsize to a place I've loved since I saw the inside of it 20 years ago.  We spent a month decluttering and imagining ourselves living in a smaller space and how we'd make it work.  But then we were sorely disappointed when it all fell through by Thanksgiving.  So I got an 8-week-old puppy instead on December 2nd.  Big Mistake!  Or so it seems, but "Gabriel, Too" is teaching me much about patience and perseverance, and dependence on God, as I deal with his itching (we don't know what's causing it yet), and his behavior (he has issues that may be life long if he doesn't get the proper training and I have bite marks to show for it), besides the normal puppy-related issues, like house training!

As we go into this new year, which by the end of the year puts me in the same decade as my husband (70s), we are assessing the rest of our relatively short life left.  For now we are "downsizing in place" so that our sons won't have too much clutter to deal with when our time to depart this life comes.  But also, we are looking at what we want to do with our remaining time.  We still have very young grandchildren nearby so we don't want to leave the immediate area.

Then there is this new puppy.  Will his "issues" ever be corrected, will I be able to handle his problems, or will I have to give him up to an owner better equipped to care for him?

These and other questions I've been formulating all last year will hopefully find answers soon.  Will it be this year?  We shall see.

Before I go,  I wanted to let you know I've started posting daily on Another Perfect Day 365 again.  I'm "doing" Judith Orloff's book "Thriving as an Empath:  365 Days of Self-Care for Sensitive People."  If you have always been told you are "too" sensitive, you will want to take this test on Dr. Elaine Aron's website to see if you are a Highly Sensitive Person (HSPs).  Dr. Elaine Aron has several books on the subject, which can probably be found at your library.  I first came upon it a few years ago and finally felt vindicated for being what others called "too sensitive" as though it was a fault.  Dr. Orloff's book will help us take better care of ourselves so that we can use our gift of sensitivity for good rather than be overwhelmed by it.  I hope you will join me by going HERE and signing up to be notified each day when the post is available.  This is a crossroads for me as well because being highly sensitive and getting burned out can cause one to withdraw from society.  I'm at the crossroads of which way do I want to go?  Take care of myself and be of help to others or withdraw?

I have also posted on my monthly Another Perfect Day blog on this subject of Crossroads.  You can read it HERE.

Do you have a Word for the Year?  Please tell us why you chose it.