Yesterday when I wrote about feeling adrift because I'd lost my sense of purpose (I've always been purpose-driven!) so many of you wrote to empathize and offer encouragement. All of your comments have been taken to heart and I'm sure helped clear the way to the point I came to this morning while journaling and reading my morning devotions. After posting yesterday I asked my husband if I sounded like I was whining. He assured me I didn't. But if I did, no one made me feel like I had, so I greatly appreciate that. Instead you let me know you understood, offered me solace, and shared your story so I could glean what I could from it. I thank you for that. Then the most amazing thing happened. I looked outside my window yesterday afternoon and saw this. . . .
God has used deer before to "show" me that He is right here within me--not just out there somewhere. When I saw this doe and her very young fawn I felt He was reminding me He understands. Earlier in the morning I'd written my Another Perfect Day365 post. The metaphor I used for how God meets our needs was the memory of my 4-day-old infant "kissing" my cheek to let me know he was hungry. And so when I saw the fawn nursing. . . .
So, this morning the first thing I read was the "A little bird told me" e-mail from Brave Girls Club. It said, "You already know the answers to the questions that are eating away at you...you just have to trust yourself enough to really listen and be brave with your decisions." I journaled about what was "eating away" at me and prayed, "So, Lord, where is all this leading me?"
Then I picked up Our Daily Bread. The title for today's reading: "Start From Here!" As I read, it quoted Paul (Acts 9:6), "Lord, what do You want me to do?" And then (Phil. 3:13-14), "Forget what lies behind and to press forward toward Christ." It was at this point I "saw" in my mind's eye that I was in a little dinghy still tied to a larger boat. The dinghy was bobbing up and down in the water made rough by the larger boat. That's when I realized I needed to cut the rope that was tying the dinghy to the boat.
One of today's scriptures in the Three Little Words book I use for Another Perfect Day365 is 1 Corinthians 9:16 where Paul talks about being compelled to preach. This tied in with what I read next.
The brochure that had come with this month's booklet had testimonials from people. I read, "....this thinking that it's all about me, and it's not. It's what He wants to do in and through you for His purposes and His glory." It was at this point I realized what I needed was a brand NEW purpose. I'd been trying to reconfigure the old one (being a Mom) when what I need to be doing is to "start from here"....to start over.....to start from scratch. Where have I heard that phrase before (start from scratch). I drew this. . . .
In case you can't tell, that's a dinghy with its rope cut. ☺ I had to draw it from my imagination (which I have no practice in doing). The TT is Tasha Tudor. I suddenly realized it was last year's Museum exhibit that was entitled "From Scratch". . . .
( I was able to see this exhibit when I visited the museum last year. You can read about it HERE.)
This year's exhibit is called, "Longings Fulfilled". . . .
Could it be that now that I've cut the rope that tied me to the past that I will be able to point my life in a new direction? We're told if we take delight in the Lord He will give us the desires of our heart (Ps. 37:4). Could this be God's way of encouraging me to discover new longings that He will help me fulfill like He helped fulfill my longing to be a mother?!
I wrote in my journal, "I've been too afraid to cut the rope, but now I see it is my only hope, for I must start from scratch!" This means I must now use the oars.....but I see I only drew one oar! I'd better get my pencil out and add another one or else I'll be going around in circles!
.•*¨`*•. ☆ .•*¨`*•
Take Joy!
Cathy, don't you love how God directs us to solve our problems? I love how you are working out your next chapter with His help. I sometimes want to do it my way and not pay attention to His direction---I need to constantly remember who holds the future. ♥
ReplyDeleteReminders are really necessary sometimes when we feel overwhelmed. That's why encouragers are so important! People who can help us see through the fog.
DeleteWow! The deer visit. How like God to send them to you that day. I love your words as you work through this. I believe as we grow older we have much to offer with our wisdom and life experience … you know once you've turned this corner you are going to see doors open ahead of you and clear guidance. I'm so glad you shared this with us.
ReplyDeleteYes, wow! And this morning I woke realizing I need to add a sail to my little dinghy. I'll use the oars to get out into open water, but then I need to hoist the sail and let the wind (the Holy Spirit) fill my sail. I've also added a rudder so I can steer around obstacles. I've set my course (straight ahead). I'll look up into the heavens to check the stars to navigate by....and keep the sail turned toward the wind.
DeleteBeautiful photos, and a very heartwarming and inspiring post. Thank you so much for sharing.
ReplyDeleteYou're very welcome, Linda. Thank you for your comment!
DeleteWhat a difference a day makes, no doubt God was speaking to you. Your deer visitation reminded me of an experience I had a few years back. I was going through a lot of dreadful stress due to circumstance beyond our control, the worry and stress had been going on for weeks. I took a walk outside to catch a breather, when up an over the hills trotted my lovely donkey, Ursula and alongside her a newly born Baby donk, still wet, and walking with her mommy! I never even knew she was pregnant! All my silly troubles melted away, when I saw this miracle of life at just this moment in time,. I knew God was speaking to me that day, and that gift just opened my eyes to what is really important.
ReplyDeleteJeri, I'm still having shivers from your experience! When things like this happen to me I see all sorts of new understanding--like the fact you didn't even know she was pregnant. I love it when my perspective changes and I suddenly have the answer, or feel totally opposite....all because I finally noticed something that was right before my eyes. But sometimes, like the doe and fawn, that something has to be brought to me. It may be a book or a movie, or an animal, or hearing about other people's encounters. Thank you for sharing yours! Your pregnant donkey is very much like how I felt in January when I sat down to draw that first day. I had no idea I had it in me, but there it was.
DeleteI was so happy to read this post, I agree what a difference a day makes.
ReplyDeleteWe are all truly blessed in many ways, in our own handmade way.
To see the deer brought such joy, the photo's are beautiful.
If you ever journey across the great sea I would love for you to visit our small home that is full in so many ways.
Fondly Michelle
Thank you Michelle. I'd love to visit you! If it ever does happen that we are able to fulfill THAT dream I'll stop in for sure!
DeleteI'm glad you're feeling better, Cathy. For the record, you didn't sound one bit whiny or depressed. You sounded like anyone else who's completed a big long-term project, one that probably felt at times as though it would never be finished, and also one that provided a great deal of satisfaction and fulfillment. And suddenly you look around and say to yourself 'Well, OK now. What's next? What am I going to do NOW?' Hey, who wouldn't feel that way? I'm not someone who's crazy about changes myself. In my family, I'm usually the one who lobbies to maintain traditions and had to be talked into a lot of [necessary] changes when I was younger. My Mom was always telling me 'Once you do it, you'll be glad you did and what's more, you'll wonder why you waited so long...' And she was right very nearly every time. And isn't it exciting to be starting up again, with a brand new clean sheet of paper, so to speak. Anything could happen! Take care and talk to you soon... :>)
ReplyDeleteAs always, Janet, you have just the right way to sum things up! It must be the teacher in you. ☺ And I love your clean slate/paper analogy. I've been doing more thinking this morning about where I'm headed and the first thing I realized is I need a new name. I've always identified myself with my role--daughter, wife, mother (in that order). I realized it's time I became just me--Cathy. I wonder what will happen. As you say...Anything! We know someone who has a sailboat, so I'm going to ask if he'll take us out in it soon. It's a large enough boat that he needs help to sail it, so I'll be learning all the terms and see how they fit into my analogy in searching for my new purpose. I plan to do some deep thinking while out on the Chesapeake Bay.
DeleteOh, I'm jealous - sailing on Chesapeake Bay! Have a wonderful time, and don't forget the sunblock! :>)
DeleteI won't forget! And a hat, too!
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