Yesterday when I wrote about feeling adrift because I'd lost my sense of purpose (I've always been purpose-driven!) so many of you wrote to empathize and offer encouragement. All of your comments have been taken to heart and I'm sure helped clear the way to the point I came to this morning while journaling and reading my morning devotions. After posting yesterday I asked my husband if I sounded like I was whining. He assured me I didn't. But if I did, no one made me feel like I had, so I greatly appreciate that. Instead you let me know you understood, offered me solace, and shared your story so I could glean what I could from it. I thank you for that. Then the most amazing thing happened. I looked outside my window yesterday afternoon and saw this. . . .
God has used deer before to "show" me that He is right here within me--not just out there somewhere. When I saw this doe and her very young fawn I felt He was reminding me He understands. Earlier in the morning I'd written my Another Perfect Day365 post. The metaphor I used for how God meets our needs was the memory of my 4-day-old infant "kissing" my cheek to let me know he was hungry. And so when I saw the fawn nursing. . . .
So, this morning the first thing I read was the "A little bird told me" e-mail from Brave Girls Club. It said, "You already know the answers to the questions that are eating away at you...you just have to trust yourself enough to really listen and be brave with your decisions." I journaled about what was "eating away" at me and prayed, "So, Lord, where is all this leading me?"
Then I picked up Our Daily Bread. The title for today's reading: "Start From Here!" As I read, it quoted Paul (Acts 9:6), "Lord, what do You want me to do?" And then (Phil. 3:13-14), "Forget what lies behind and to press forward toward Christ." It was at this point I "saw" in my mind's eye that I was in a little dinghy still tied to a larger boat. The dinghy was bobbing up and down in the water made rough by the larger boat. That's when I realized I needed to cut the rope that was tying the dinghy to the boat.
One of today's scriptures in the Three Little Words book I use for Another Perfect Day365 is 1 Corinthians 9:16 where Paul talks about being compelled to preach. This tied in with what I read next.
The brochure that had come with this month's booklet had testimonials from people. I read, "....this thinking that it's all about me, and it's not. It's what He wants to do in and through you for His purposes and His glory." It was at this point I realized what I needed was a brand NEW purpose. I'd been trying to reconfigure the old one (being a Mom) when what I need to be doing is to "start from here"....to start over.....to start from scratch. Where have I heard that phrase before (start from scratch). I drew this. . . .
In case you can't tell, that's a dinghy with its rope cut. ☺ I had to draw it from my imagination (which I have no practice in doing). The TT is Tasha Tudor. I suddenly realized it was last year's Museum exhibit that was entitled "From Scratch". . . .
( I was able to see this exhibit when I visited the museum last year. You can read about it HERE.)
This year's exhibit is called, "Longings Fulfilled". . . .
Could it be that now that I've cut the rope that tied me to the past that I will be able to point my life in a new direction? We're told if we take delight in the Lord He will give us the desires of our heart (Ps. 37:4). Could this be God's way of encouraging me to discover new longings that He will help me fulfill like He helped fulfill my longing to be a mother?!
I wrote in my journal, "I've been too afraid to cut the rope, but now I see it is my only hope, for I must start from scratch!" This means I must now use the oars.....but I see I only drew one oar! I'd better get my pencil out and add another one or else I'll be going around in circles!
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